Nanny, I love you!

My mom's mom we called Nanny. We were close from the beginning, although she hated my name, at least at first. There was a cat down the street named Samantha, so I guess she didn't find it to be an appropriate granddaughter name. She babysat me while my mom worked. Nanny lived in town where there were sidewalks and next door neighbors (we didn't have either), but she had a huge backyard with a metal swingset just for the grandkids. She also had air conditioning (the window kind, but it still worked great compared to no AC at home) and cable. Oh, how we loved to watch Nanny's cable tv! Nickelodeon and game show reruns (before the days of the game show network!). Nanny would always play games with me, like Dominoes or cards. She had this game Triominoes that were little triangle dominoes. I won EVERY game I played against her! I loved spending the night at Nanny's. Her bathroom smelled so good and she always had lots of bubble bath and lotion. Many summer evenings we would go and get an ice cream cone (custard).

Nanny's birthday was 2 days after mine, so we always shared a party. She didn't mind. I always felt special to her. I remember around Christmas when Nanny (and Grandpop too) would put bags and bags of presents into our car. Now I know that you can't buy love, but I'm one of those people where gifts make me feel extra special. When I didn't get along with my family, I would envision myself running away to live with Nanny.

Many summer vacations were spent at the beach with her and Grandpop. It doesn't feel like a real vacation to me if extended family isn't around. Going to the beach during the day and playing board games at night. A few times I went with Nanny and Grandpop up to my aunt's in Vermont. One particular time I can remember is we stayed at a motel (I think it was either a Howard Johnson's or Holiday Inn). I hadn't stayed at a motel often, not like Bailey has! The motel was having hot air balloon rides. Although we didn't go for a ride, I had never been that close to a hot air balloon and I took half a roll of film of this balloon.

When I was in high school, I spent the week at Nanny's house. I don't think we had big plans to do anything. I just loved spending time with them. One of the nights I was there Nanny woke me at 1 in the morning. Grandpop had fallen and couldn't speak and so an ambulance was called. I was so scared, but I was glad to be there, that way Nanny wasn't alone. Over the next month while Grandpop was in the hospital recovering from a stroke, I stayed with Nanny often so she wouldn't be lonely. A few months after Grandpop came home, he had another stroke in the middle of the night, and I happened to be there again. He passed away the next year, and I really felt like Nanny and I were close.

Nanny would always send cards for holidays, even when I was in college, and once I had kids she would send cards to them. When I moved away from NJ, I called Nanny often, and she called me. I tried to send her pictures of Bailey, and she would always call me to thank me for them. I NEVER doubted her love for me. When I was a kid and felt like my parents didn't love me, I knew that Nanny did.

About 2 years before Mackenzie was born, Nanny started to not be herself. Her cousin who was like a sister to her died in a car accident which made Nanny afraid to drive (Nanny didn't even learn to drive until she was 35!). She had trouble remembering things, and we worried about dementia. The doctor said she was OK. When Mackenzie was born, Nanny was the first member of my family that I was able to talk to. It was the last time I talked to her. 3 weeks exactly after Mackenzie's birth, Nanny passed away. October 18, 2006.

This is why I write of my Nanny today. I still miss her terribly, even after 2 years. I didn't get to go to her funeral because we live far away and Mackenzie was a newborn. I wish I could have gone. Maybe I wouldn't miss her so much if I had gotten a chance to say goodbye, since her passing was a surprise. Every time I see an older lady with gray/white permed hair, I think of Nanny. Birdfeeders make me think of her, since she loved birds. I am sad she never got to hold Mackenzie, although she did see pictures.

Nanny, I love you. I hope you are happy. I am. I have faith that we will see each other again. Please come visit me in my dreams again.